I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
