I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
