The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Let's get the cat blown out
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
