I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
