she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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