dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
