hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Randomize
