how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
