I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
