I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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