My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
