I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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