You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
