how can u be prego again
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
