Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
