I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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