i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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