ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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