I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
