non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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