Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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