I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
