You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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