there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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