Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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