I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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