Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
