I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
