So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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