Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
