I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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