I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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