omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
