My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
