you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
