Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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