Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
