Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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