im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
