something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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