Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
