i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My ass is underappreciated
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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