I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
