In America we eat man semen.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
