if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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