Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
