I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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