Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
