Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
