yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
