Swine flu. Run for my life!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
