I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
