Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I puked a lego.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
